Sunday, 27 November 2011

Believe ............It WILL all be well .....xxxxxxxxxx

Well the day is here ! Operation lift off !!!!!!!111

gee don't  i sound all posiiveand full of the joys lol   ! yes i am feeling good ,love my drugs love my drugs!!!   thort i'd be a bit grumpy  or out of sorts but i'm good ! not muhc sleep bit didnt really expect much ,my mind is too busy !  i hav lists upon  lists   never been so organised!!!     great i just got distracted and 4 got wat i was goin to say it  was all deep and meaningfull too !   any way it s a;ll abit crazy isnt it  ,,goin off to have my head drilled into !!  srtangest feeling ! i'm derading the after affecst im not good coming out of an anastehtic  i go a bit ,or lot loopy ,but as long as its normal loopy !!hehe  not many peolpe do come ot normal lol  .    well i think im a bt hyped to write too much more,wish me luc huh i'll take all i can get!!!!!!  c uon the other side ,i'..leave u with some more of my garden . Sunsihine and happiness .xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxooooooo'

gosh im tired!!!!

had a good day today but i'm a bit had it!!!   spent the day as home tyding  up and half heartedly getting reday for hospital tomorrow . i guess it will all get done ,. im not typing well at all! ,so this will be short .  cnat think bout stuff too mich or it does my head in a bit .  house is all nice and tidy and clean   ,god hope i dont lose all my new found mad house wife skills!    i did a bit more painting ,but ran out of paint ,so that will all have to wait till i get home ,still so much to do in the shed but looking 4 ward to doing it .   if i  didnt stress so much about every1 worrying bout me it would help   ,i hav no patience with some people ,its weird ,i get so irritable where i never used to  oh well ,guess i just get used to the new me and i'll hav the op and lose all my new found  me !!.i actually hope not all of it cos boy hav i seen the light about so many things !!! it actualyl been a really insight ful process ,and i really dont  want a lot of the old Kim back ! i like me a lot now ,its a neat feeling ,that why im writing all this  down so i can look back and remeber the new  Me .     if i dont write 2 morrow its probabll cos i wont hav time .  thans 4 listenting and I''LL BE BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! much sunshine and happiness .

Friday, 25 November 2011

in the pink!

its a pinky day today !  god u coudl tell how 'fiery ' the old brain was in the last few.days!  all that red and whorling flowers ,(is whorling a word??! poor brain huh ,what a relection on the state of my mind,god !tho i think as it all about depicting the emotion im goin g thru .  i think im quite rational u no!  lol  but i know it is all part of having the tumour and the ,images and emotion that come with it .i feel pink today which means i think im calm and everything feels 'pretty!  so its a sweet feeling  today altho it was a bad night ,i  tried to bake some biccies for tiares school kapahaka concert today ,well the condensed milk ended  up going down the plug hole ! 4got where the flour was supoesd to go etc etc! ill get them done today ! i never was a baker tho lol so wht coul i expect lol!   i get so agitated aboutt he most simple things !   stressing bout goin out 2 day ,but i need 2 do it for tiare ,.     its good to feel pink today

my fav coulour  will help me a lot ' think pink and sweet thorts!!!!  healing i think .well im off to get ready 4 the day ,find some clothes that fit !!  terribl.e the weight im putting on ,but gosh im enjoying my food!!!!!!

Thursday, 24 November 2011

paint it white !

had an awsome day painting .its not done great but great for the garage room,i must stop calling it the garage room !  so mich to do still before hospital on monday ,but ill get there! had major second thoughts 2 day ,freaked my mum out i think but al good now  ,this is boun 2 happen .anyway loving my work aroun the place/shed 2 day .  thank  u lovely ladies who hav commented on my page  .i lve tus community ,and to meet talented women such as you is a pleasure.  mist go and do dinner its chiken and chip nite and im starving as per usual!!!!!!!!   michelle ,i wish i could do spell chec hehe but the abilitey has gone it looks like even more doulbl,dutch that now teh words just mix???? lol  ,........i hav a very strange brain !!!!!!!!!! to put it mildly ????!!!!!!

another busy busy day!!!!!!!!!!!

i had a fab day 2 day !  lot more organising  and cleaning oh boy was there cleaning ! i got stuck into the garage again ,heaps of sorting and  throwing out of things ! talk about delutter!!   i got stuk into the conservatory this fternoon ,ive simplified everything!!!   cleaned from top to bottom ,boy did it need it after the winter of my messy head!!  it was really cleansing in more ways than one !!   what a good feeling ,now of couse i want to paint and titivate totally lol  but xmas comes 1st so will mak do  so till fter the silly silly season and to sell some old to buy new!he he  .  ive lots if ideas ,the house and garden mags hav been getting a hammering !!!! latest one out yesterday ,full of goodies !   cant wait to do myxmas decorations!   good head pace all roun 2da ,im sleeping better from wearing my self out cleaning and organising ! so hers my day ,scuse the poor fiming  ,im not so good at inside shots ,i will work on it on tho!!!
so thats my day!!!!!!! feels good too !!!! im in a fab frame of mind 2 nite tired but clm and happy ,. one dayat a timehuh sounds cliched i no but it helps .hav a great day all tomorrow ..............

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

I'm finding the floor! slowly but surely!!!

I  have scrubbed the place like u woulnt believe!!  i cant wait till i can start to accesorise the laundry ,ive so many ideas  .im painting as well ,once im well enough again so cant wait to start!  i foun d these cute we curtains and they hav made such a difference.  everythin will be white so will start with a clean slate!   stilll so muct to do in the next few days b fore the op ,i want things as done as possible !  
I felt really good to day after a sleep in so was an easy day today .  A fair few nerves tho at times thinking bout the operation ,i get the shivers! ,weird weird feeling ! the big unknown and all that!  but i cant stay as i am,i'll just get worse ,so not a heck of a lot of choice huh?  living in my bubble world helps! yay for drugs!!   gosh that sounds terrible huh ,life savers they are!   im on dexamethasone  ,wicked side affect but rather be on them than off ! gosh see how i go on!! i center on something and go on and on and on . ANYWAY  back to cleaning and fussing ,tomorrw im doing more sorting ,i have alot of 'stuff'' that just needs throwing ,i was, am,such a hoarder ,so ive got to get tough and just chuck it!!!!    mind you ive turned into a major neat freak too ,i hope that lasts!!    flip this typing is hard!! wish i coud do spell check ,but i dont no how to do t i anymore!!!!   im driving nt family and friends nuts i know! poor thing s,they don't know this kim ! im bolshi ,bitchy ,blatently rude at times ,it just comes out of my mouth! ,me who usually watches my words! quite liberating to be honest!!   but yeah im shocking a few people thats for sure  ,i wonder how much of that i will lose? good thing about his blog i can look back  .......and probably cringe !!!!!  interesting........gee ive gone all about ME again havn't i !!  making up for lost time  huh  ? and why is the
? mark so hard to find ???????????????????????????????????????????? there that should do it!!!!!!!

well id better log off before 4 hours go by  ,here's my morning roses 

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

oops ,sent that too soon!!!

he ehe there i go ,finger and thumbs!!!!!!    heres my mornig pics of my roses ,

well that sme for the day,im tired tonign so hoefull of a good sleep1 ,have shopping to do tomorrow ,which takes a lot out of me ,a bit of sensory overload i think! hope im all fixed up for xmas shopping or there could be a few strange gifts!!!!!!!

me! ,a big mess , and where am i going to put it?

well finaly i will say hello!  i dont like(the foto)   much lol but as im not my best at the mo,and i took soooo many of them ,this will hav to do !!! ugh! i hav piled on the weight cos of the drugs im on (cancer drug),honestly i cant stop eating! it terribl.e !   ive gained over a stone prob more in the last 3 weeks . lovley having an appetite tho again (i think ! lol)    and my eye looks weird ,must ask if its the tumour ,guess it may be , weird how u think u look one way and in realitiy you dont .!  any way that me ,now u hava face to the name ,very brave of me huh ,but hey ,life has changed ,ive changed ,so im goin with it !!    

only a week 2 day til the op ,it took me a whole day 2 work out how long a week is! my perception of time has gone all awry  ,it still seems on one hand a long way off ,and on the other not! .i keep looking at the date and then the day, to get it to sink in!    mixed feeling allthe time ,beause im living in a differnt sort of normal  ,it shard to work out what is normal.  I know who i am ,i have the same though and feeling i think but i do feell so different at times.sigh it s hard to explain too!  , i was now ,I  no living life very hard ,everything had go sooo difficalt ....frm what was happenign in  to me , to what to eat, i had so much clutter in my head and around me ,i coulnt orgainis e things properly, the house was clean,and had soem sense  of order but it all felt strange ,little things annoyed me ect this was over a period of 5 mayb 6 weeks ,coudl be more...ive forgotten .......     any way that me in a glimpse ,a lsice of my my crazy at times other world!

so my day ,easy to show u in picures ,and plse exuse the shambles ,luck i can shut the doo to the garage or i tell you it would do my head in if i had to look at it !!!
so see !!!  sigh!  oh i have done a bit of a tidy since ,but hardly made a .dent!! ! 
                      see where im at tommrow huh!!!!!   as it seems to take me ages to do Stuff ,like whle hous go passed and ime still pottering with sonelthing small!   did my hall table ,well that must hav taken an hour and i only shifted some flowers!