I can't seem to stop the urge to jot down my ever rolling thoughts in my head. The urge to write has always been with me and at times the dream of writing something meaningful is quite strong , then again what do I mean by meaningful! I have a heart full of yearning to be in another place ,surely there is something to these urges? but sitting here I know is not going to get me out the door and onto a plane to some faraway place! and its not just the travel I want ,I want to settle somewhere and experience life as it unfolds ,to look at a sunset from a different place and to wake up at dawn to watch the sunrise in a place other than mine. I wonder if it's possible to dream even more than I am ,while at the same time hoping and praying that I will be around long enough to go . I read voraciously of women changing their lives ,some on a whim ,some because they have to, or, suffer if they stay. They inspire me and also fill me with a kind of envy and longing I think I can only liken to that primal urge to have a child ,you know the one, that constant want to fill your arms with a life you have created. I'm inspired too, to think of ways I can finance my dreams ,excited to maybe think I can go back to work full time and so the impetus to get well is strong .I'm planning my diet so I can benefit from the goodness of fresh food, full of life enhancing vitamins and minerals .Thoughts of big hearty stews and soups cooked the old fashioned way on the stove ,simmering away for hours so the flavours combine and become mouthwatering just breathing in the aroma. Or planning my summer garden so I can have fresh lettuces and home grown tomatoes ripened in the sun, that taste like no other .I get lots of ideas whilst walking ,oh the times I put off going for a walk ,what was I missing! even in the cold air and the rain sometimes starting ,I come back for those walks full of strength and energy .No regrets though, for leaving a lot of things too late ,I'll just start again and look forward to this journey I 've started .
We are having a lazy hazy Saturday. I slept so deeply this morning after going back to bed at 7 , My body felt so tired yesterday ,that bone aching, heavy sort of tiredness one gets.Yesterday I had a appointment at the hospital for a colcoscopy as i had a recent abnormal smear (abnormal anything is the new normal for me so what's new!) the proccedure couldn't be performed as it was causing to much pain and discomfit ,due to the tumours in my ovaries . It was horrible and the doctor was so kind and concerned ,he basically said i was very brave for even contemplating it .I didn't want to have it done as deep down i knew it wouldn't be successful but I had to try. I will be seeing the surgeon next month so i will discuss options with him.
So a lazy day it is! ,my white rose is still blooming! it's so pretty ,I picked a couple of buds this morning ,they still have the lovely blush of pink that they have when first opening, It is rose planting time here so I think I will pop up to the nursery just up the road later to have a look .
I have a few more tea cosys to do .they are becoing quite popular ,I have sold a few more in the last week or so! I have a new pattrern to try out ,it is for kniteed ones so I will attempt it today hopefully .
Finally ,my Friday snap of my girls who visit every Friday.Its a bit of a ritual .I hear a wee tap on the door and it's my my gorgeous grandaughter knocking to be let in! she is alway full of smiles for me ,just delightful, and of course her beautiful mother!