Thursday, 12 January 2012

Day 7 .....

Only 3 mores sessions to go ,yay ,but thankfully the side affects have settled  ! I   haven't even had a sleep today ,which is most unusual ,mind you   I    had visitors , daughter ,kids ,and mum, after we got back from the hospital., and the cleaner came, then Sue, the cancer society social worker    ,,so quite a busy day.  It was good to vent a bit to 'Sue ,she really does get 'It'  and she gave me some good advice.  I'm now worrying about how Im only having such a short radiation time ...I know ,I know ,   I should be greatful   and I am ,but it also brings up a few fears in the fact that maybe they cant do much more anyway ?   I know they say they got it all etc but the likelyhood of it coming back still remains ,     I   guess its just a waiting game and  I do obsess about things a lot ! 

I'm worrying about lots of things ,but this is okay too , I just need to get well!! and keep the depression at bay .   I took some pics of myself, but honestly people I am not going to put them up ,talk about awful ,so bad I  laughed! then looked in the mirror 30 or so times to see if I  really do look that bad lol ! I  don't (well not   in a soft light hehe)    so roll on makeup day !!!  Its times like this I  wish  I was one of those natural beauties I tell ya!!  




my bed
my night life!!!
I thought I'd do a rearrange around the house tomorrow if I feel up to it ,  I hardly go in my bedroom anymore apart from to get clothes as I sleep in the lounge so I will  give it a pretty up ,change the duvet etc ,Ive got quite a pretty pink one ,anyway, titivation time it is . The garage room had been such a hit with the children ,they watch tele and play with their cars ,they dont even make a mess !  so I'm happy it gets used ,I'm always in there ...doing laundry  lol !   Ive got addicted to the sky channels ,namely, living and uk tv ,,so I  tend to be in the main lounge a lot ! I love my bed I have set up ,in fact everyone loves it ,it is so comfortable as a day bed ,Tiare is always trying to beat me to it .   I have the coffee table all set up so everything is within reach for the long nights ,as I  dont sleep more than a bout 3 hours and that' s   usually from about 2.30 in the morning  ,but then I do have my day sleeps (apart from today).  To be honest I do feel a bit hyped tonight ,so maybe overtiredeness has  caused it .   Notice the dreaded pill box    I   have ,I  tell you if there is one thing that makes me feel like an invalid its that! and I'm relatively lucky   as I   don't take half as many meds as some do . I was told I  probably shouldn't have it out all the time ,but with my memory and I' m quite slow to get moving when I do wake it

My morning wakeup !!
s easier to have it close by ....at least its a pretty box that I  knew would come in handy when I  bought it!  so there we are another day in the life of my changed life ......but hey once I'm recovered from the radiation ,which by all accounts could be a month   to 6weeks ,I
m sure I'll remmeber these days with a certain fondness! cos its so not me really ! I've had this cancer for 2 years and have never really felt like a 'sick' person ,   quite a hard realisation that now I do   ,and I   guess a bit freeing to admit it in some ways ,because gosh,      I  do get so tired ,its a tiredness that seeps into your pores and its nothing really to do with lack of sleep , or the symptoms or  the surgeries,    i'ts just a tiredness that I  think is natures way of saying ,"
Hey,  !  you can be quiet ,   you can just sit   ,You can cry with it ,   you  can feel the pain in your head ,  your back ,  your feet ,   and it's okay to say it ....out loud .  It's okay to shut out the chatter and the noise that goes on around you ,     while you just stop and feel ....everything .  You can sigh and put your feet up and feel the tension ease ..instead of jumping up again ....and blocking it  .  ,because how can we heal if we ignore what our bodies are saying to us ,?   If we are fighting to keep moving ,not resting     ,busy busy busy ,   how can the good cells fight the  bad ,   those   armies are forming all the time,  good cells  need peace and calm ,   bad cells thrive   on the go go go ,       so yes I'm tired but it's a good tired , a healing tired   ,and I'm going with it because I want to be well .