I am not really feeling the joys of life tonight , I had a good day all up but the overwhelming tiredness so gets to me at times ,like today. I know I have to expect it ,and I don't get enough sleep ,but I hate not doing anything I think it's a waste of a day now to give into my body and it telling me to rest . Silly probably, stupid definitely , I'm a trained nurse too and a avid reader of google about everything my oncologist has told me NOT to research!
I think too, that keeping busy is therapeutic ,but sometimes I'm sure it's a coping mechanism ,so the horrible ,dark thoughts are kept at bay . I've been told how well I cope and have faced everything ,which I do appreciate , but I see the worrying looks that people who love me give me, and I get so sad ,for them for me ,for everyone who has this horrible thing called cancer , but the one constant thought in my head everyday is "Thank god it's me who has it and not my precious children and grandchildren , or my fabulous nieces and nephews " and I'm going to be around for a long long time to watch them all grow up . That thought I think is the best medicine I can ever have.
Right on to the reveal of my table and chairs ,I'm glad I imagined the worst of everything wrong about it last night ,because guess what it does of course!!! have things wrong I mean ,no borer as such but a lot more mould on one of the chairs ,and the table is more wobbly than I remembered , but I still love it and there is nothing that a bit/lot of TLC won't fix eventually . I gave it a good clean and a polish with good old pledge! my gosh that stuff has improved!! Now you all now know I don't normally use furniture polish he he ,I damp dust all the time and that seems to suffice ,most of my furniture is a Matt white or distressed ,anyway now I have polished everything and I feel like I have rediscovered an old toy!! I tell you it doesn't take much to make me happy these days !!