Friday, 30 December 2011

I'm over it ........or I've lost my Pollyanna

I put this  on FB today to try and get my Pollyana back ,   Argggg h I'm sick and tired of it  ,sick of whinging and ,breaking into tears every five mins ,etc .  Sorry this is another whinge session.  I miss me , the old me ,    I'm realising even more how different I am ,  I'm lost , so bloody lost .   J   went home today too which I  know doesn't help,     I   think I  cried more today when he went than all the other times put together .  T went to the movies then had a sleepover so I am on my own ,and the Pollyanna side of me is saying that I  can let go ,so I  have!!!  ooh look that was almost light hearted!    

Okay I'll stop the pity party now ,  fake it till you make it,  right?   I did have a bit of a pamper session tonight though   ,did my nails and a bit of a pedicure ,as I 'd like to feel good and look as good as I  can ( well as good as one can with a fat neck ! )  tomorrow night .   'Ive got some fat clothes too lol, actually its one of those  one size fits all numbers
(  top and jeans)  and it doesnt look t  oo bad . I will wear full make up as I  have to stop wearing it when I  start treatment ,yuk,    I  dont leave the house without my mascara on!    and yes I will be dancing to ABBA with all my heart ! you can  gaurantee that it will be played 50 or so times for me lol .

So I'm feeling better now ,thank   goodness huh?  ,see what  a bloody rollercoaster it all is , but that's life as I   know it etc etc . I'm reading the 'Woman's Room '(Marilyn French)  again, one of my favorite books of all time ,   I   don't know if it will help or not,   but reading about a lot of other frustrated housewives trying to find their power ,and the meaning of their lives , maybe just what I need !  I've forgotten a lot of it actually .

Have a great New Year's Eve and roll on 2012 !