Tuesday, 10 January 2012

Day 5 ...........

I felt really well this morning ,then went to treatment at lunchtime and it wasn't so good ,it was the first time  I  had to make a mad dash from  the car to the toilet when I got home   ,but it soon passed and I slept for most of the afternoon .  At  least I managed some housework beforehand and picked some of my white roses ,they have gone mad ,so it's lovely having them dotted around the lounge . .they make me happy to look at them .

Tiare has gone to his sisters for a couple of nights so he gets a break from me! he is so good though and I don't have to really worry about him when I'm sleeping ,he is very self sufficient and amuses himself with his leggo and dvd's, and the computer ,he is a mad  'Top Gear' fan ( an english TV show about men and their cars ) and he watches old episodes on u tube! as well as sky ,
I tell you if this child doesn't have a career concerning cars I'll eat my hat! ,and I don't mean car  salesman type thing either  (not that there is anythig wrong with that ) it's more he knows so much about classic cars , makes models  and all the latest ones too ,he is a walking encylopaedia  .

I haven't taken the photos of   myself  as the camera decided to play up after I had taken some pics of the roses ,will try again in the morning .  My scar is very irritated at the moment   too. so I must get it looked at tomorrow by the nurses .   I ran into the physchologist today  and  I' ll be seeing her in a couple of weeks,  she was very helpful last year when I saw her so it will be good to catch up  . I do have a lot of " issues "  for want of a better word ,  I have so much anger at times,  it doesn't sit well with me ,and it's not anger as such about being ill again but the fact that the tumour had changed my way the brain thinks / it's hard to explain ,eg   things I may not have thought about for years will flash in my head and I get angry about it ,they are never good memories ever ,so I'd love to get to the bottom of that if I can ,I  hope it will settle down .    Good question that "what will change forever?' 
I know everyone treads around me on eggshells as they aren't sure if what im saying is what I mean ,or they immediatley think I can't do  something when really I function a lot on the same level ,it drives me nuts ,  and makes me angry ,or they try and talk to me with their intelligence when all I want is patience ,I  really don't care about the ins and outs of things.  those minute details which  added up mean nothing .,  . You can really tell the people who have not dealt with brain issues  well ,I  learnt a lot from M  and my father and I thank god I have retained a lot of it  ,and I
m happy to say I know I was a lot more understanding than some of the patronising rubbish I put up with.  

Well that was a big vent ,guess the anger came up a bit ! still that's  what this blog is all about ! mmm they seem quite strong words especially for me,  as I  said it doesn't sit well ,but I always said when I started this that I will say what I  think .   I will end on a grateful note and say I am very grateful for the help,love and support I  receive ,I know I  am very blessed to have such good family and friends . ..