Monday, 19 December 2011

Musings and Observations ......

I was on another site today and a thread caught my attention . I won't go into too much detail as privacy should be respected but basically it was about altruism . I looked up the meaning again just to get it right in my head.  A truly altruistc person  does not want or need recognition for their unselfishness ,the argument I read about today involved money and the person to me did not come across as altruistic at all , they were doing and had done very good things but it jarred me and others when money for their website was mentioned . I was quite saddened by the whole thing really ,it involved a  family with a terrible  illness and the things that good poeple had done for them .   I have never wanted, or asked ,or got  any monetary help at all even though I have been accused of it . I was asked why am I doing this blog and why  am so public in talking about my life ,  it is simply because I want to ,and the writing helps me immensely ,and to be honest I don't think many read it anyway or if they do they choose not to comment as you can see.   That is fine by me because as I said it is for me to help me to heal .  One other thing that stuck in my mind too as this certain  family doesn't seem to be using the support groups etc that are already establised ,  I rely heavily on my support network ,  I honestly dont know what I would  without the. Cancer society ,the Neurological ward social worker ,the advocate from there  who rings me every couple of days  ,my gp (lol)  ,I have or make a phone call to at least one of these every day.   I am also going to link up with the brain injury or a support group for those with brain tumours after the holidays. 
.
 I'm wondering if I could make contact with this family
 and just say I'm here if they'd like someone to talk to ,  she intimated that she got very lonely and I think that is sad . I will sit on the fence about everything else re their help and the argument that maybe they have recieved too much
 as we cannot know what it is like ,  but I really do think they are not getting the support that they really need to meet their emotional needs.  I get so upset when I think of  children battling cancer  ,and  I  thank god every day that I'm the one sick and not my children .

 There is nothing more difficult then dealing with a family member with a chronic or terminal (I hate that word)  I should know as I am the difficult one !! they ( family) are finding it extremely hard ,I know ,but I cant help them deal with it as I've got so much going on and I do feel guilty at times ,but I also want to scream and say ,this is how I am ,it may be temporary,  it may not but I cant deal with your overt misery at times ,  things get so misconstrued because they forget that I'm not the same  person .  I can act totally normal most of the time so I can see why the think this, all they have to do is ask me and get the bloody story straight .  I'm sick of being looked at like I'm the b from h and yet they have got the story wrong anyway !! I'm ill and some days ,like today when I've  had a headache again all day ,I'm even worse .  I can really see why people start to isolate from everyone because it is just so hard. 

Wow that was a wee (big)  pity party wasn't it!  arg it's just what's in my head .

On a lighter note 3 more sleeps untill my middle son  arrives for a week or so ,I can't wait !!!! we get on so well and I  don't have to do anything but be mum ,we talk all the time so he is well prepared but as he says' mum you are just you '  and 'I  love you '  can you see why I just adore him!!

Here's a pic of the Xmas tree and its not a good one ! ,I  took so many, and yesterday my cat knocked it over! so now its bent so I  give up , lol  and those cords ! im hoping they will be covered with the pile of presents as it grows.