Mixed emotions at xmas ,love the kids and their excitement ,but even though i thought i'd have a good Xmas it was the same has it has been for the past 10 years. It really has never been the same since my marriage break up and i guess one day I will accept that,I have had another family as it were, since but some things I think just take a long time to get over . The mariage breakdown was mostly on my part so theer is a lot of guilt . I get so upset every holidays when I don't go camping like we used to back then ,there are reasons why but i also feel ive done my part and certain other parties need to lookat themselves,there life has hardly changed ,where as mine has beyond all recognition. I am so angry today I can hardly speak ,but as I said get like this every year and I know that sounds mysterious ,it's good to let it out.
I had quite a big morning too ,as I went to radiation department to have my mould done for the radiation. it was quite a quick proceedure and
I was happy to have a few questions answerd etc ,start treament on the 4th . I'm feeling sick too ,have been for the last couple of days so I guess that doesn't help the mood much . Having J here has been great although I feel it's not much of a holiday for him ,but he never complains .We are going to go away next xmas, we have decided ,...camping ! so that will be something to look forward to .
I have lots of lovely photosof Christmas day ,but cant put many up as to maintain privacy of the family but here are a couple. Well with my not so good mood I think I'll finish on that note! Better day tomorrow ,my moods don't last long (I Hope!)
|T in his tent with presents and half of his bedroom|
|My little M grandaughter ,she was a delight all afternoon .|
|me and J xx|
|Gingerbread house which had collapsed then remade (not by me !)|