oops ,sent that too soon!!!

he ehe there i go ,finger and thumbs!!!!!!    heres my mornig pics of my roses ,

well that sme for the day,im tired tonign so hoefull of a good sleep1 ,have shopping to do tomorrow ,which takes a lot out of me ,a bit of sensory overload i think! hope im all fixed up for xmas shopping or there could be a few strange gifts!!!!!!!

me! ,a big mess , and where am i going to put it?

well finaly i will say hello!  i dont like(the foto)   much lol but as im not my best at the mo,and i took soooo many of them ,this will hav to do !!! ugh! i hav piled on the weight cos of the drugs im on (cancer drug),honestly i cant stop eating! it terribl.e !   ive gained over a stone prob more in the last 3 weeks . lovley having an appetite tho again (i think ! lol)    and my eye looks weird ,must ask if its the tumour ,guess it may be , weird how u think u look one way and in realitiy you dont .!  any way that me ,now u hava face to the name ,very brave of me huh ,but hey ,life has changed ,ive changed ,so im goin with it !!    

only a week 2 day til the op ,it took me a whole day 2 work out how long a week is! my perception of time has gone all awry  ,it still seems on one hand a long way off ,and on the other not! .i keep looking at the date and then the day, to get it to sink in!    mixed feeling allthe time ,beause im living in a differnt sort of normal  ,it shard to work out what is normal.  I know who i am ,i have the same though and feeling i think but i do feell so different at times.sigh it s hard to explain too!  , i was now ,I  no living life very hard ,everything had go sooo difficalt ....frm what was happenign in  to me , to what to eat, i had so much clutter in my head and around me ,i coulnt orgainis e things properly, the house was clean,and had soem sense  of order but it all felt strange ,little things annoyed me ect this was over a period of 5 mayb 6 weeks ,coudl be more...ive forgotten .......     any way that me in a glimpse ,a lsice of my my crazy at times other world!

so my day ,easy to show u in picures ,and plse exuse the shambles ,luck i can shut the doo to the garage or i tell you it would do my head in if i had to look at it !!!

so see !!!  sigh!  oh i have done a bit of a tidy since ,but hardly made a .dent!! ! 

                      see where im at tommrow huh!!!!!   as it seems to take me ages to do Stuff ,like whle hous go passed and ime still pottering with sonelthing small!   did my hall table ,well that must hav taken an hour and i only shifted some flowers!

nights

can't sleep 2    nite  ,worried a bout about op ,been able to push it to the back of my mind mostly ,i guess im a bit overtired,slept 4 anhour or so this fternoo ,and wnen i fall asleep i have falling dreams,i guess its the tumour causing the floating sensation ,weirdest feeling ever! like im floating away .scary!  im of sick my wordes all coming out wrong ,makes me giggle at times ,and i shudn!  this is so hard to read it dose my head in! it looks rite in my head !!   i mustconnect up to others like me ,or maybe tat would be too scary !   i will d o a little search soon  ,took some more pics ,in fact i hav e taken lots ,they calm me and make me happy ,didn't no i could find this beauty every where ,my sense r so heighhtend i thik cos of the tumor and poss the medication .oh well ill go with it cos it may not last!!     i got some lovely flowers for my 49th birthday on saturday,in fact i aws quite spoiled ,my lovely friends and family treated me likd a queen 4 most of the day or shud i say when i got too tired ! i have to keep apologising to poeple as i tire and get irritable !! they r getting used to grumpy me!!    well guess uts time to try abd rest me poor brain lol  ,feeling sleepy sort of !!   luck i can still read a little so i will try that. im busy 2 morrow organising my garage im making it into a  display, exta room type thing ,its going to take me a few days.will take pics to show my progress!! nite nite .

so proud of this shot!

my fav shot so fae since takng pics of my roses  ,isnt she beautiful!

Welcome to Kimmy's Garden

my beautiful roses ,giveing me so much joy , i love takin my photos ,i take them just sfter sun rise . I get so much peasure from my garden .i had so many symptoms which i now no were the tumour ,i am medication which helpse the swellng /i hope i donts ound too confusing .  I am having brain surgery for a Left Frontal Parietal craniotomy and resection of mass (supine)  this was a big shock and out of the blue ! totally random really ,just my luck huh.!!! i look forawd to catching up with all your lovey blogs and renewing my memories of all your amazing talents . i have chaged my styl quite a bit ,in the house ,,my brain dose no handel much clutter so i have streamlined a lot !  and im going more to french and stiil my roses! and pinks!  thank u fro allowing me o catchup . have a woedeful  day / ps my typing will be hard 2 read at time but my brain ironically cant unerstand spell check so im very sorry if  its hard 2 read at times .

It's been so long!

It's been so long since I last blogged! only excuse being is I got slack!  and now when I'm ready to catch up ,Ive got to go out!  qiick update......healthwise I'm doing well ,  have had some growth in one tumour in my lungs but one ovary tumour has shrunk! ,I am still pretty much symptom free .Will catch up with all the news later.

Brrr it's cold

It is really cold here today ,I still have my scarf on  and switched on the heater . It's been a quiet week here for me , Not feeling the best so I've been doing a lot of reading curled up on the couch .I took almost all week to do my latest tea cosy ,the wool was hard to work with ,it was a cheaper brand so I won't be doing that again . I had a visit form' Mrs Pickles' ! this week she came bearing flowers as well ,got to love her! I love receiving flowers.  It's Queens Birthday this weekend but we have nothing really planned ,plus the weather is not going to be that great apparently .  Why is it that housework always has to be done? I have so much to do today and I just can't be bothered ,which isn'
t like me as I hate my house looking messy , I guess I'll just slowly work through it today . Well must go and at least attempt the dishes . Have a great weekend!

Salt and Pepper

 Cute flower salt and pepper shakers   .Some tins reduced $20.00 as one had a dent in it .A little jug.some lovely serving plates . A Candle lantern for my outside table , A watering can and another spice set.  Just a few more addition to my collections .  I love the shakers especially ,they are in perfect condition and just so sweet.  We have had another lazy day although we had a big walk around the neighbourhood . I'm just going to make us some hot corned beef sandwhiches  on lovely fresh bread from our bakery  ,yummy!   Then a night curled up on the sofa I think is in order! 

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Thoughts and more thoughts.

I can't seem to stop the urge to jot down my ever rolling thoughts in my head. The urge to write has always been with me and at times the dream of writing something meaningful is quite strong , then again what do I mean by meaningful!  I have a heart full of yearning to be in another place ,surely there is something to these urges? but sitting here I know is not going to get me out the door and onto a plane to some faraway place! and its not just the travel I want ,I want to settle somewhere and experience life as it unfolds ,to look at a sunset from a different place and to wake up at dawn to watch the sunrise in a place other than mine. I wonder if it's possible to dream even more than I am ,while at the same time hoping and praying that I will be around long enough to go .  I read voraciously of women changing their lives ,some on a whim ,some because they have to, or, suffer if they stay. They inspire me and also fill me with a kind of envy and longing I think I can only liken to that primal urge to have a child ,you know the one, that constant want to fill your arms with a life you have created. I'm inspired too, to think of ways I can finance my dreams ,excited to maybe think I can go back to work full time and so the impetus to get well is  strong .I'm planning my diet so I can benefit from the goodness of fresh food, full of life enhancing vitamins and minerals .Thoughts of big hearty stews and soups cooked the old fashioned way on the stove ,simmering away for hours so the flavours combine and become mouthwatering just breathing in the aroma. Or planning my summer garden so I can have fresh lettuces and home grown tomatoes ripened in the sun, that taste like no other .I get lots of ideas whilst walking ,oh the times I put off going for a walk ,what was I missing! even in the cold air and the rain sometimes starting ,I come back for those walks full of strength and energy .No regrets though, for leaving a lot of things too late ,I'll just start again and look forward to this journey I 've started .

Saturday Lazing .

ur

We are having a lazy hazy Saturday. I slept so deeply this morning after going back to bed at 7 , My body felt so tired yesterday ,that bone aching, heavy sort of tiredness one gets.Yesterday I had a appointment at the hospital for a colcoscopy as i had a recent abnormal smear (abnormal anything is the new normal for me so what's new!) the proccedure couldn't be performed as it was causing to much pain and discomfit ,due to the tumours in my ovaries . It was horrible and the doctor was so kind and concerned ,he basically said i was very brave for even contemplating it .I didn't want to have it done as deep down i knew it wouldn't be successful but I had to try. I will be seeing the surgeon next month so i will discuss options with him.

 So a lazy day it is! ,my white rose is still blooming! it's so pretty ,I picked a couple of buds this morning ,they still have the lovely blush of pink that they have when first opening,  It is rose planting time here so I think I will pop up to the nursery just up the road later to have a look .

I have a few more tea cosys to do .they are becoing quite popular ,I have sold a few more in the last week or so!  I have a new pattrern to try out ,it is for kniteed ones so I will attempt it today hopefully .

Finally ,my Friday snap of my girls who visit every Friday.Its a bit of a ritual .I hear a wee tap on the door and it's my my gorgeous grandaughter knocking to be let in! she is alway full of smiles for me ,just delightful, and of course her beautiful mother!

My new house! he he

I wish !  ,one of the things I love collecting is pictures of grand old homes . I bought this picture in a Op shop awhile ago . Its' a beautiful home in San Francisco ,I  googled the address and it came up with a real estate photo showing the house was sold in 2002 . when I finish dreaming about moving and start doing ,what do you think?  shall I see if its up for sale again?! ha ha  .  I'd be  thrilled if someone saw this  on here and could fill me in on some of the history of it .

*Dreaming*

Do you ever just day dream and wonder what you could be doing with your life ? I guess everyone does ,lately, or actually for awhile now, I dream of places to be . I'm reading under the Tuscan Sun while occasionally glancing out my windows to the rain steadily falling, showing that our winter is really here now,and boy am I dreaming! I've always wanted to travel but unbelievably I haven't ! life ,financial reasons etc etc have got in the way? or is it my own slackness ,my terrible tendency to procrastinate ,that has stopped me. I'm quite content Iguess and I have made many changes but heck I dream! . It's silly I'm so melancholy today ,tired and a bit more worried about where my life is going. In reality I know I have to focus on staying well or as well as Ican orI wont be doing anything! T and I often do talk about moving somewhere in NZ for about a year and this is what may happen. while he's young enough to adapt and if I find the place that suits us both we are probably going to do just that come spring. I haven't really discussed it with family or friends ,apart from joking around and voicing my Tuscany dreams out loud .I'm not running away from what I have but I would like to explore more of this change in my thinking and making more positive changes. There is so much to hold me back ,my health and my mother and grandchildren ,but one thing I do know is that life is too blimmen short and do I want to spend more time "dreaming?"...... food for thought . 

My poor T is not happy at all at the moment either ,a lot of sadness and grieving is coming up at the moment ,he is not sleeping well ,very irritable and lots of crying. He is doing a counselling programme through the school which i hope will help him tomorrow when he goes. that's the other thing should I take him away from what he knows ,his support etc just because I'm feeling like I am .He thinks it's a good idea but he's only 9 and I really have to think how it will affect him. so that is my rambling for the day . I must go and rescue my poor little pansies who have had a bit of a battering in this weather . I'm keeping an eye on another plant( pictured at the top) ,its supposed to start flowering for the winter soon , It's looking so healthy so here's hoping .I cant remember what it is called ,but it is of course purple coolured flowers ,I love any plants purple! and my lobelia has really finished looking so bright and beautiful.

Changing Rooms

Well changing and having a winter clean up of my conservatory ,it is one of my favourite places in my house ,its gets the morning sun streaming in ,great to have my morning wake up coffee in there. The only trouble is lately Meow Meow decided it is her new place too! little minx I have had a few morning surprises ,so after cleaning up after her a couple of days in a row ,I did a huge clean and hopefully she has now got the message! 

It was good to have a declutter (some may think not!) and change it around a bit .

My favourite place to read

I've been feeling really well the since the weekend too ,it was good to have the energy ,despite having a upset with a friend ,I hate conflict and I have some amazing friends in my life ,but it came to a point with this person where I had to clear the air.I have no time for 'toxic people ' in my life now, so it's now up to her ,I've said my bit and feel good about it.  Thank goodness Ive started a walking regime as going for my walks for the past few days has helped to blow away the cobwebs as it were.  Speaking of good friends though ,I have never really mentioned a truly amazing friend in my life as
I wanted to protect her privacy ,I even kept the blog from her for awhile! I told her it was like my diary and she said  'Oh Great tell the whole blimmen world about everything ,but don't tell me huh!' I laughed and promised her I will mention her (in code) so, ' Miss Pickles '  you are now mentioned !!!!!!! I'll  put this one in the book too ! it's a standing joke between us that I'm writing a book loosely based on my life and our catch phrase is 'You gotta put this in the book'!!  .  Right I'm off to cook the child  honey soy chicken and rice ,his bestest mostest  favourite meal in the world apparently ?!