Only 3 mores sessions to go ,yay ,but thankfully the side affects have settled ! I haven't even had a sleep today ,which is most unusual ,mind you I had visitors , daughter ,kids ,and mum, after we got back from the hospital., and the cleaner came, then Sue, the cancer society social worker ,,so quite a busy day. It was good to vent a bit to 'Sue ,she really does get 'It' and she gave me some good advice. I'm now worrying about how Im only having such a short radiation time ...I know ,I know , I should be greatful and I am ,but it also brings up a few fears in the fact that maybe they cant do much more anyway ? I know they say they got it all etc but the likelyhood of it coming back still remains , I guess its just a waiting game and I do obsess about things a lot !
I'm worrying about lots of things ,but this is okay too , I just need to get well!! and keep the depression at bay . I took some pics of myself, but honestly people I am not going to put them up ,talk about awful ,so bad I laughed! then looked in the mirror 30 or so times to see if I really do look that bad lol ! I don't (well not in a soft light hehe) so roll on makeup day !!! Its times like this I wish I was one of those natural beauties I tell ya!!
 |
| my bed |
 |
| my night life!!! |
I thought I'd do a rearrange around the house tomorrow if I feel up to it , I hardly go in my bedroom anymore apart from to get clothes as I sleep in the lounge so I will give it a pretty up ,change the duvet etc ,Ive got quite a pretty pink one ,anyway, titivation time it is . The garage room had been such a hit with the children ,they watch tele and play with their cars ,they dont even make a mess ! so I'm happy it gets used ,I'm always in there ...doing laundry lol ! Ive got addicted to the sky channels ,namely, living and uk tv ,,so I tend to be in the main lounge a lot ! I love my bed I have set up ,in fact everyone loves it ,it is so comfortable as a day bed ,Tiare is always trying to beat me to it . I have the coffee table all set up so everything is within reach for the long nights ,as I dont sleep more than a bout 3 hours and that' s usually from about 2.30 in the morning ,but then I do have my day sleeps (apart from today). To be honest I do feel a bit hyped tonight ,so maybe overtiredeness has caused it . Notice the dreaded pill box I have ,I tell you if there is one thing that makes me feel like an invalid its that! and I'm relatively lucky as I don't take half as many meds as some do . I was told I probably shouldn't have it out all the time ,but with my memory and I' m quite slow to get moving when I do wake it
 |
| My morning wakeup !! |
s easier to have it close by ....at least its a pretty box that I knew would come in handy when I bought it! so there we are another day in the life of my changed life ......but hey once I'm recovered from the radiation ,which by all accounts could be a month to 6weeks ,I
m sure I'll remmeber these days with a certain fondness! cos its so not me really ! I've had this cancer for 2 years and have never really felt like a 'sick' person , quite a hard realisation that now I do ,and I guess a bit freeing to admit it in some ways ,because gosh, I do get so tired ,its a tiredness that seeps into your pores and its nothing really to do with lack of sleep , or the symptoms or the surgeries, i'ts just a tiredness that I think is natures way of saying ,"
Hey, ! you can be quiet , you can just sit ,You can cry with it , you can feel the pain in your head , your back , your feet , and it's okay to say it ....out loud . It's okay to shut out the chatter and the noise that goes on around you , while you just stop and feel ....everything . You can sigh and put your feet up and feel the tension ease ..instead of jumping up again ....and blocking it . ,because how can we heal if we ignore what our bodies are saying to us ,? If we are fighting to keep moving ,not resting ,busy busy busy , how can the good cells fight the bad , those armies are forming all the time, good cells need peace and calm , bad cells thrive on the go go go , so yes I'm tired but it's a good tired , a healing tired ,and I'm going with it because I want to be well .
